It all felt vaguely sexual and wrong. What if it's like that day at school where everyone has a Halloween costume and you don't? This was exactly a week ago today. After a stream of seemingly endless paper bags, the one dude I couldn't forget had a sign on his paper bag that read: This dude was really into paper identity protection. I started to feel myself getting excited to have a conversation with a bunch of strange men where all we had to do was talk, with none of that pesky sexual chemistry. The organizer yelled "go" there was about 25 guys and 28 women , and the first bag person came to sit next to me. After 15 minutes or so, once everyone's bags were properly decorated and placed on top of our heads, we were all dragged to our designated speed-dating seats. In a room filled with people wearing paper bags on their heads. My next paper bag suitor challenged me, "Are you actually looking for a guy here? I laughed out loud. It was probably the most erotic moment of the night.
It was probably the most erotic moment of the night. I tried to hold my bag with my right hand so that my mouth aligned better with the bag hole better. I just laughed and facepalmed into my bag. Then, as he tried to talk more clearly, he somehow managed to stick his tongue through his paper mouth area to increase the size of the hole. This was exactly a week ago today. I began to laugh hysterically. As paper bag guy repeated his mumbled reply, I saw for the first time he had actually constructed a paper towel safety net underneath the bag itself. And I like it when I make her feel more sexy for me. So I called three single friends 90 minutes before the Loveflutter -sponsored event was scheduled to begin and I did my best sales pitch. It all felt vaguely sexual and wrong. In a room filled with people wearing paper bags on their heads. Do you even have a paper bag? I like it when a woman is sexy for me. He asked me question after question, and I watched as he furiously took notes, asking me everything from my name to my job to where I was born to why I would ever go to an event with a paper bag on my head. I laughed out loud. But instead of everyone congratulating me on my lame attempt at hilarity, a TV cameraman nodded enthusiastically and gave me a sassy "you do you, brown paper bag girl" thumbs up. Instead they're like, 'So describe your feelings about being here. And that was when I realized I had established myself as the biggest asshole of the night. At the entrance, the organizer whisked me to the women's side of the event -- away from anyone with a penis -- to a secret little arts and crafts party in the back filled with not only all the paper bags any single lady could ever possibly want but also an impressive array of arts and crafts supplies. He glared at me through his eye holes. You know it was like how Stephen Colbert pretends to be a pompous ass. Dating , Paper Bag Dating The first thing I did when I decided to date with a paper bag on my head was immediately try to get out of it. Instead I tried to think of something funny to write on my bag to make up for my totally inadequacy in the crafts department. I suddenly felt woefully lacking in flair. What if it's like that day at school where everyone has a Halloween costume and you don't? But I try not to be. It was actually hard to understand my latest paper bag man through his dumb paper bag and when I tried to explain how my oh-so-clever sign was a critique of the superficiality of society, he repeated back to me, "So you're superficial?
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